I rapporti sbagliati sono spesso frutto di un circolo vizioso che possiamo trasformare in virtuoso, grazie all’amore di sé.

Psicoterapia di coppiaAlla base di tutti i rapporti interpersonali vi è la valutazione di se stessi, altrimenti detta autostima. Più è alta, più facilmente intrecceremo rapporti equilibrati ed affronteremo in modo efficace gli inevitabili insuccessi della vita.
La valutazione di sé, che racchiude una serie di concetti interconnessi (amore di sé, a prescindere dai nostri limiti, visione di sé e fiducia in sé) è costantemente in divenire, ma le radici affondano nei primi anni di vita, nell’amore percepito dalle figure affettive principali.
L’anaffettività, la noncuranza, l’umiliazione costante oppure, ancora, l’amore ricevuto solo quando soddisfatte le aspettative altrui e non per quello che si è, danno origine spesso a personalità con disturbi affettivi, incapaci di amare e di essere amate in modo sano. Chi è stato traumatizzato tende a traumatizzare, chi ha sofferto continua a cercare sofferenza oppure a perseguitare per difesa.
Quante dinamiche distorte, quanti adulti che credono ancora che la soddisfazione dell’amore sia legata alla continua difficoltà nell’ottenerlo, piuttosto che a quello di goderselo in assenza di torture!
Persone che hanno sofferto molto si incontrano, instaurando dinamiche malate e morbose, rivestendo ruoli diversi: del persecutore apparentemente forte (basti pensare al disturbo di personalità narcisistico, borderline, bipolare ecc.), che perpetra dinamiche sadiche, oppure del dipendente emotivo, persona fragile che cerca l’autostima in un rapporto, spesso proprio con “il persecutore”. Ebbene, tutti coloro che cercano l’autostima in un’altra persona, sistematicamente, trovano l’uomo/la donna sbagliato/a. Infatti, i cosiddetti scimmioni dell’inconscio, feriti ed in cerca di conferme, comunicano – non verbalmente – con gli altri inconsci e cercano delle situazioni analoghe a quelle traumatiche vissute nel passato: le situazioni saranno dunque nuovamente sbagliate e verrà riconfermata la visione negativa che si ha di sé, dando luogo ad un circolo vizioso che bisogna assolutamente interrompere. Avete mai sentito o detto la frase: “Io cerchio gli uomini/le donne col lanternino”? Se la risposta è sì, state sicuri: c’è sempre un nodo emotivo intimo da sbrogliare e, finché non verrà sciolto, ci si imbatterà all’infinito in rapporti sbagliati e frustranti.
Riconoscere il proprio problema a livello razionale è già un passo importante, ma non basta: bisogna risolverlo a livello inconscio.
Se vivete con costante irrequietezza i rapporti sentimentali, sarebbe opportuno andare da un terapeuta competente (ma che sia davvero competente, altrimenti il rischio è quello di peggiorare o non cambiare affatto la situazione!), che svuoti il vostro vaso emotivo e liberi le ali invischiate nei tormenti di un passato che non c’è più…Affinché possiate cominciare a volare

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